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When Did I Become Thirty?
or "Wait, there are people who were born in 1994?!"
We Have a Winner! 
4th-Jul-2007 02:30 am
Sexy Sexy
Ladies and Gentlemen, it is with much amusement that I present to you the 2007 Douchebag of the Year!

Tonight after the fireworks and the bar and wandering around downtown for half an hour and getting pizza it was about 12:30 and Katie, Jon and myself decided that it was time to head for home. We split off at Market Square, they went back to Jon's car, I headed off back towards City Hall to my car.

I turn on to Junkins Ave, the street where City Hall is, and, as I'm crossing the bridge I cross the street.

Towards the near end of the bridge are two figures, and as I close in on them they greet me with, "Dude, tell me you're sober..."

I realize I shouldn't have said anything, and if they pressed the issue I should have faked drunk, but that didn't occur to me at the time, so I said, "Maybe"

"Tell me you're sober as a judge..." says the tall ugly frat boy.

I don't respond

"Dude..." the guy is definitely drunk, "c'mon, man...my girlfriend's in jail and they won't let me bail her out. C'mon, man, I'll give you the money!" continues the tall ugly frat boy.

A number of responses swirl through my mind, but, given their condition, I stick with the simple, "Nope, sorry." and walk away.

This is when our award winner, the shorter, not quite as ugly frat boy, chimes in, "Oh! Fine! I see how it is!" He's now calling after me as I walk up the hill, "Dude it's lucky you wear glasses, cause I'd kick your ass! Naw, naw, fuck that, dude, I'm gonna kill you!"

I, of course, continue walking.

So you, short drunken frat boy, for threatening to KILL me as I walked toward THE POLICE STATION, are our 2007 Douchebag of the Year!

It was a great night, though, even if I lost my balls... :(
4th-Jul-2007 06:39 am (UTC)

4th-Jul-2007 06:48 am (UTC)
"Dude, what the fuck, you just gonna be like that? You know what, man, it's a good thing you wear glasses, cause I'd kick your ass, man. Know what? Fuck that! I'm gonna kill you!"

The dude's a genius, broguy
4th-Jul-2007 08:59 am (UTC)
He's going to kill you for... what... not bailing out his girlfriend?

Did he even come towards you as he slurred his way through this mess?

And don't you pump weights every day? Even if he wasn't too drunk to throw a punch, I'm sure your nerdy, buff self could've at least wounded him.

5th-Jul-2007 12:35 am (UTC)
no, for not bailing out his buddy's girlfriend


not every day, no :P
5th-Jul-2007 05:07 am (UTC)
OH. I suppose that makes all the difference. What was she in for, being porked by the second most retarded man in... um... Your City? GREENLAND.

Well then, nothing to worry about. Why would glasses stop him? I would've teased him and taken them off. Or... I dunno.

I'm sure you could've still dealt with him, you big burly hunk of man, you. *titters*
5th-Jul-2007 05:18 pm (UTC)
Surprisingly enough, she was in for a DUI

4th-Jul-2007 03:09 pm (UTC)
Fahk, kid, bro, dude, guy, fahk, faced, kid.

Haha....what a dick!
You could have kicked his sorry ass if he wanted you to.
5th-Jul-2007 12:38 am (UTC)
prolly, he was drunk

brodoodfahk kid!
(Deleted comment)
5th-Jul-2007 12:39 am (UTC)
4th-Jul-2007 07:16 pm (UTC)
Ya know what would have been hilarious? If he actually followed you and ended up jumping you in front of the station, got the shit beat out of him by you, and then he gets arrested for starting shit and you get off free b/c it was self-defense. Hahahaha! Then at least you could tell them they can visit the girlfriend now. Lol.
5th-Jul-2007 12:40 am (UTC)
f'really real
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