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When Did I Become Thirty?
or "Wait, there are people who were born in 1994?!"
"Kevin Thorn doesn't give a shit about you, shut the fuck up!" 
5th-Aug-2007 06:21 pm
Boobies!
Yesterday was a pretty good day! Pretty good...

It started out kinda crappy, my cousins decided that Toast was in order, so I didn't get to bed until around 4:30. I was awakened around 10 to get ready for the annual clambake that my grandpa takes us to as our birthday presents. It's some veterans group he's in, every year they have it as a fundraiser. It's my one lobster per year, so I can't miss it.

We got home from that around 2, I took another shower and laid down for half an hour.

I got moving around 3:30 or so and watched most of Friday Night SmackDown! just to make sure I was caught up if anything story-related were to happen at the show. I saw all of it except the main event, which I'll watch eventually.

At 4:30 I left to go meet up with Dan at his house, and we hit the road for Manchester. The show started at 7:30, and we made it there by 6, so we had a little time to kill out in front of the arena. There was already a large group of people there, so we got in one of the lines in front of the doors and just bullshitted.

There were a few entertaining moments, though. For instance, we got farted on by the guy standing in front of us...twice in succession...and after pointing this fact out he left and we got to move up in line. Dan and I also entertained some of our surrounding linegoers by talking, fairly loudly, about absolute nonsense, like what would happen if the arena hadn't paid it's electricity bill or reading the scalping disclaimer on the back of the tickets as fast as possible.

They let us in around 6:45 and Dan and I found our seats, we were pretty much opposite where Kirby and I sat at Backlash two years ago, we were in section six, row q then and section 4 row qq now. Same side of the ring, opposite the entrance, but opposite corner of the arena. I headed for the merch table and bought a shirt, just one, from the somewhat-lacking selection. Seriously, two Rey Mysterio shirts, two Superstars shirts, two Batista shirts, a boogeyman shirt, an Edge shirt (which I bought), an Undertaker shirt, and a John Cena WrestleMania shirt. Lame.

Back at my seat I discovered that, unfortunately, we were pretty much surrounded by idiots, as I was asked at least three times by the guys behind me whether the show was gonna be on TV. Ignoring the fact that there's no entrance stage, no big screen, and a bare minimum of lights...do you see cameras...ANYWHERE?! They asked a myriad of other questions too, including asking me if specific wrestlers were going to be there because, apparently, I've got some kind of in backstage that lets me know the entire lineup when they've only announced two matches before the show.

The show itself wasn't bad, they started with Matt Hardy facing MVP for the US Title, but MVP came out in street clothes saying that his doctor had barred him from even setting foot in the ring. So instead of facing Matt, he got Finlay to fight for him. The match itself was pretty good, fast-paced, and Hardy came out on top with a Twist of Fate, even after some interference from MVP, who stayed at ringside, and Hornswoggle.

Then we had a squash match, Eugene and Jimmy Wang Yang vs. Mark Henry. You can probably figure out how that match was.

Then another, slightly less squashier, squash between Chuck Palumbo and a guy named Ryan O'Reilly, who was at the ECW show I went to in Durham last year. I dunno if he's signed to ECW or if he's just a local guy they bring in when they're in town, but he's not that bad. Palumbo won with that twisting shoulder thing. I felt so bad for the people sitting in the loge section behind the entrance aisle, cause when Palumbo came out on his bike he stopped in said aisle and just revved the engine, and these folks just got doused in exhaust fumes.

After that was a WWE Tag Team Title match between Deuce and Domino, the champions, and the Major Brothers. D&D won, with a little bit of cheating, in a pretty good match and retained their belts.

Joy of Joys, another squash match as poor little Nunzio (anyone know why they stopped calling him Little Guido?) had to face off with Big Daddy V. Nunzio got some offense in, but it was really elementary, and V won without much effort at all. After the match, however, Boogeyman came out and Big Daddy left Matt Striker in the ring alone, where he got a tasty mouthful of wormy goodness for his troubles.

Intermission followed, probably so they could get all the worms out of the ring.

First match back from break was a tag bout pitting ECW Champion John Morrison and his partner Kevin Thorn against Stevie Richards and Tommy Dreamer. Morrison began the match by taunting Stevie with his sexiness, but Stevie soon put an end to that, knocking the champ down and grinding his hips, too. Lots of back and forth action, and some good double team maneuvers throughout the match, which ended in a victory for Stevie and Tommy, when Stevie got Kevin to tap out. A nice celebration in the ring followed, with Tommy getting the crowd pumped up.

Next we had a fast-paced cruiserweight contest with Chavo Guerrero facing off against the returning Rey Mysterio. The crowd was absolutely jacked when Rey's music started playing, and a lot of people rushed the barricade to try and shake Rey's hand or pat him on the back. Rey and Chavo went back and forth the whole match, but Rey finally came out on top, after hitting the 6-1-9 and then Dropping the Dime on Chavo. The crowd exploded again with the victory and Rey showed his respect with a nice victory celebration.

After that it was Main Event time. After buying tickets thinking I'd get to see Edge defend his World's Heavyweight Title I was, needless to say, a bit disappointed that the match ended up being Khali defending against Batista. I used this match as an opportunity to take a much-needed piss break, and when I got back the match was pretty much over, thankfully. Finlay came in and attacked Batista, awarding a DQ victory to dear old Dave. After a good attack by the two heels Rey came out to make the save for the big man and, alas, our main event was not over. Batista challenged the pair to a tag match, him and Rey against Finlay and Khali. The two baddies wouldn't accept the match until the referee made it an official match and threatened to count the pair out.

So we had another match, which our heroes won, but not after some interference from Hornswoggle. He was put to good use, though, as Khali was locked in the ropes, Andre the Giant style, and Batista and Rey used Hornswoggle as a battering ram to his chest. Finlay, however, couldn't survive the Batista Bomb, and that was the end of that.

By the way, Khali fighting Rey Mysterio is a bizarre sight. It's like a miniature poodle fighting a great dane. Khali had Rey by the head, palming the Cruiserweight's skull like it was a basketball. Oh, and also, Hornswoggle comes up to Rey's chest, that's how short Rey Mysterio is.

The crowd we were surrounded by was unfortunate. Aside from the idiots right behind us we also had some pre-teens four rows back, in the last row of the section, who did nothing but scream their damn heads off...constantly. Now, I will admit, that I, also, have been known to scream my damn fool head off at wrestling events. But there are two major differences. Firstly, I always yell at least a word, it's not just screaming for the sake of screaming. And secondly, my voice isn't of the pitch that can break glass.

They screamed for Matt Hardy, then they screamed for the Major Brothers, then they screamed for Kevin Thorn, then they screamed for Rey Mysterio, then they screamed for Batista. One of the girls had a sign that said "I Came to see Kevin Thorn" and just would not shut up when he came out. Constantly screaming his name as though he was gonna turn around and go, "Hey! Hi!" and wave. I think I spent more time yelling at them (see the title to this entry) than I did yelling at the wrestlers like I usually do.

Then there were the kids in front of us who wouldn't stay in their seats at all. This one kid, probably around 9 or 10, would get up during every match and spend the majority of the match standing in the middle of the aisle. I missed a lot of great shots of the Chavo/Rey match cause this little fatass wouldn't sit down.

But the kid sitting across the aisle from me, this kid was awesome. He had on a Rey Mysterio shirt and had one of those replica Rey masks that you can buy. Mysterio gave this kid his shirt before the match with Chavo and made this kid's LIFE. He spent the rest of the night jumping around and telling everyone he could that he had Rey Mysterio's actual shirt that he was wearing! It was fantastic.

After the show we headed back to Dan's car and headed out. As we were driving I saw these two people walking along the side of the road. I tried to "Woo!" at them, Ric Flair style, but my voice was shot, so it just came out like a regular yell. The guy was watching me as I did this, but the girl was watching the guy, so I scared the ever-loving hell out of her, it was pretty funny.

Dan and I were both starving, so we stopped at Wendy's on the way back to his house, and we ate while we watched the ballgame. We watched most of the game, but headed for the Toast around 12:45 to meet up with Jon. It was as I got out of my car in the Vaughan Mall parking lot, a mere 10 minutes from my house, that I realized that I'd left my phone at Dan's house, 15 minutes away from where I was. So after Toast I had to drive alllll the way back to Dan's house and then alllll the way back to my house.

But I digress.

It was a good Saturday, is my point, really...

In other news, I got turned down again by a girl I made up in my head. Last night I dreamt that I'd met this girl and we were dating, and then we were in this theatre waiting for a show and when I reached out my hand for hers she was sitting there in the lap of some spanish-lookin guy (who'd also made a previous appearance in my dream). It was bizarre.
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