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When Did I Become Thirty?
or "Wait, there are people who were born in 1994?!"
2007 Year in Review 
31st-Dec-2007 06:02 pm
Donkey
Well...without any actual study, it felt like this year sucked balls...let's investigate, however, and see what we can come up with:



The format is as follows:

Date - Entry Title
Quote
My commentary, if any

January
1/6/07 - It's Prime Drunk Time!
Apparently one of my headlights was out, this time, and the kindly cop just wanted to let me know.

Oh, he also wanted to make sure I wasn't drunk...that's right, folks, I had to follow the pen.
PRIME DRUNK TIME!

1/8/07 - Well god damn
Third thing wrong: The supervisor kept screwing up the corrections she was supposed to be making, taking off the wrong thing, taking off too many of the right thing, adding too many things on, you get the idea.

Jane was not happy. We were scheduled to stay til ten, though we're never there past 9:30, in the past. We didn't leave til midnight.
Yeah...Inventory's about the only thing I don't miss about Discovery

I've started a project, that I wish I'd thought of last year or the year before. Once a month I'm going to take a picture of myself from the front and from the side, so I can chart my progress as the year goes on. If I'd thought of this two years ago it woulda been great, cause that was the drastic change year, going from 245 to 225, and then last year getting down to 210. We'll see how it goes.
Yeah, that only lasted a few months...whoopsie

1/14/07 - Jon_Wiis.MOV

Jon_Wiis.MOV
"Jon_Wiis.MOV" on Google Video
Jon Wii Boxes


1/25/07 - ZOMG TEH DEBILS!
I dunno if you guys have seen these ads for this new movie "The Number 23", but in it they refer to all these dates and "facts" that happen to add up to 23, and then they say, "and 2 divided by 3 is .666"

No it's not! It's .6 repeating, which, when rounded to the three digits they use, is .667. Of course this probably ruins their whole movie premise, but fuck them for not doing the math right!

Dumbasses.

1/28/2007 - Not just one woman, a LOTTA women!
My house was depressing me, the past couple days, but I seem to be over it. I think the main reason was because I was so ready to move downstairs, and now it's not happening, there was some resentment and bitterness in there and it all boiled over into sadness. Really, though, I just need to learn not to get my hopes up, cause nothing good really ever happens to me on any consistent kind of basis.
There's beauty in truth...

February
2/1/07 - Dumb, dumb Criminals...
This woman stole $400 worth of merchandise and knowingly gave us her personal information so we could go and find her when we found out what she'd done.

2/8/07 - Today's Adventures
I watched the replay of last night's Daily cause apparently Mike Rowe said something awful and terrible and made the company take all the Dirty Jobs DVDs off the shelves and send them back to the warehouse. The optimist in me wants to believe it's because they just want to put something on the box about his appearance on the show, but the truist in me says someone got offended on his "German porno" comment about chick sexing and complained.
Turns out that wasn't the case, it had something to do with copyright or an unblurred logo or something

2/12/07 - Meet Nitro
So, some of you may not know, we had to put Buster down on Saturday, so today we went to the NHSPCA and got a new one.
My favorite little psychopath

2/20/07 - That's a good pack of snoo
Ah well, 34-waist pants.
Ah well, 32-waist pants...

2/23/07 - A few things...
Now, I sucked at field day when I was in grade school, but I know that these days...I could kick those little kids' asses.
My joke got no response...

April
4/6/07
Put another notch on my man card, I'm at a strip club.
And it was laaaaaaaaaaaaaame

4/21/07 - Oh it's been a fun day...
When I got home from work, though, there was a bit of a wrestling match going on in my front yard. Two guys fighting. Didn't even stop to ask, I just went upstairs and left it the fuck alone. Now, however, the cops are here, I'm pretty sure everyone downstairs has been sent somewhere else to spend the evening, and the authorities are "securing" the downstairs apartment.

May
5/1/07 - As if it was needed...
me: i sleep so much better
me: warm, safe, loved
me: that's all i'm sayin
Yeah...

5/7/07 - Seems good...
Thirdly, while we were watching "Green Street Hooligans" I made a character on Kirby's WoW account to fuck around with. No idea what server, but if you're on there and you run into an undead rogue named "Pickle"...that's me...
Did no one get the reference?

5/18/07 - Update
The company, as you read above, has decided to close all Discovery Channel Stores, due to their "cost-intensive"ness, and, instead, team up with other retailers to offer Discovery branded products.

Assholes.

So I've decided to take it as a sign that it's time for a major life change, and I've decided to go back to school. Next week I have to head to Hesser in Manchester to take a little tour of the campus and whatnot.

June
6/21/07 - Summer of 07: Good Beginnings
Funny story, as we were leaving the little league field Corey says to me, "That's gonna hit your car..." Completely unknowing I say, "What's gonna hi*WHAM!*" and a Foxtail bounces off my windshield and hood and hits the ground. Scared the shit out of me but, thankfully, didn't injure the car.

Then, as we're driving to Krasko, Kirby pulls up next to us at a stop light, and we start relating the story to him. Corey starts talking and this old guy behind me starts honking his horn, pointing, and yelling. We're all now completely confused until we realize that it's because Kirby has left his wallet on the back of his car roof, somehow it managed to stay there, and Corey jumped out of the car and passed it in to him.
That was a good day

6/27/07 - Nemoit
I've been in a fog all day.

There's just no way it can be true, and yet it is.

More later, if I can find the words.
What can I say...I was all choked up

6/30/07 - Here's a thought! Or a bunch...
Speaking of which, are you proud of me for not mentioning at all (in this public a forum, anyway) that yesterday was the four year anniversary of my singledom and involuntary abstinence? Are ya? Huh?
No, nobody was proud

July
7/4/07 - We Have a Winner!
I turn on to Junkins Ave, the street where City Hall is, and, as I'm crossing the bridge I cross the street.

Towards the near end of the bridge are two figures, and as I close in on them they greet me with, "Dude, tell me you're sober..."

I realize I shouldn't have said anything, and if they pressed the issue I should have faked drunk, but that didn't occur to me at the time, so I said, "Maybe"

"Tell me you're sober as a judge..." says the tall ugly frat boy.

I don't respond

"Dude..." the guy is definitely drunk, "c'mon, man...my girlfriend's in jail and they won't let me bail her out. C'mon, man, I'll give you the money!" continues the tall ugly frat boy.

A number of responses swirl through my mind, but, given their condition, I stick with the simple, "Nope, sorry." and walk away.

This is when our award winner, the shorter, not quite as ugly frat boy, chimes in, "Oh! Fine! I see how it is!" He's now calling after me as I walk up the hill, "Dude it's lucky you wear glasses, cause I'd kick your ass! Naw, naw, fuck that, dude, I'm gonna kill you!"

7/8/07 - The Loot! (No Warrant or Patty Larceny, though)
Another birthday past, another Birthday BJ list that remained conspicuously absent. C'mon, people, get on the ball!
No, I don't know why the word "list" is in there...

7/18/07 - Here's some things I love!
Second: I absolutely adore girls who drive in their SUVs, that their daddy's bought for them, with their friend in the passenger seat and decide that a fun prank to play would be to drive half in their own turn lane and half in my turn lane, thereby blocking me from getting around them, until just before the light, when they then pull back into their own turn lane and point and laugh at me as I stop at the light and go around the corner. CAN'T GET ENOUGH!
Cunts

7/22/07 - Holy gods!
We got there just about ten minutes before they opened the doors, so we hung around in the lobby, cracking jokes and laughing way too loudly.

OK, it was just me who laughed way too loudly.
...
After the show we walked a whole 500 feet to Nan Ling, past a panhandler who wasn't speaking any particular language and a window with this weird asian woman playing the keyboard. I happen to think they were recording porno music, but to each their own. We grabbed our food and walked back to the apartment, stopping on the way to get a Slurpee, yay.
That was a great weekend

August
8/5/07 - "Kevin Thorn doesn't give a shit about you, shut the fuck up!"
There were a few entertaining moments, though. For instance, we got farted on by the guy standing in front of us...twice in succession...and after pointing this fact out he left and we got to move up in line. Dan and I also entertained some of our surrounding linegoers by talking, fairly loudly, about absolute nonsense, like what would happen if the arena hadn't paid it's electricity bill or reading the scalping disclaimer on the back of the tickets as fast as possible.
...
By the way, Khali fighting Rey Mysterio is a bizarre sight. It's like a miniature poodle fighting a great dane. Khali had Rey by the head, palming the Cruiserweight's skull like it was a basketball. Oh, and also, Hornswoggle comes up to Rey's chest, that's how short Rey Mysterio is.
...
But the kid sitting across the aisle from me, this kid was awesome. He had on a Rey Mysterio shirt and had one of those replica Rey masks that you can buy. Mysterio gave this kid his shirt before the match with Chavo and made this kid's LIFE. He spent the rest of the night jumping around and telling everyone he could that he had Rey Mysterio's actual shirt that he was wearing! It was fantastic.
...
In other news, I got turned down again by a girl I made up in my head. Last night I dreamt that I'd met this girl and we were dating, and then we were in this theatre waiting for a show and when I reached out my hand for hers she was sitting there in the lap of some spanish-lookin guy (who'd also made a previous appearance in my dream). It was bizarre.

8/14/07 - Poem
Empty

I long to have you here beside me
Your arms around me
Your heart beating in my ear

I wrap my arms around your waist
Thinking, Hoping
The tighter I hold you
The less likely you are to disappear

But you do
You always do
And I can't stop you

Empty Bed
Empty Heart
Only a cold, lifeless pillow in your place

I need to
I have to
But I can't

Let

You

Go...
I still miss you

8/19/07 - Wow, people...
She additionally said that if anyone wanted to be friends with her they could leave a comment saying so and she'd add them.

I commented on her post saying "Yeah...this post was necessary"

What does she do? She friended me!

She's reading this right now along with the rest of you!

The rest of you, however, far more intelligent, I assure you.
Fucking idiots

8/21/07 - Well...
I'm not going to be making very much money at this job, but at least I'll be making money.
Ain't that the truth

8/27/2007
Interesting...someone replied anonymously to my last post calling me a, and I quote, "drama whore fartcunt" cause, I'm assuming, I had the absolute audacity and gall to point out, again in amateur_nudes, that taking a picture of yourself nude in an unfinished part of a house that's not your own is against the law, what with it being trespassing and indecent exposure.
Nothin says fuck you like "drama whore fartcunt"...except maybe "fuck you"

September
9/1/07 - *sniffle*
I don't name my stuff, my Wii doesn't have a name, my laptop doesn't have a name, my car, my Garmin, my DVD player, my TV, nothin has a name.

Not even my XBox 360, which is now dead.

9/8/07 - A Few Things
Tell me if this makes me a terrible person: I was in GameStop yesterday checking to see if my Messenger Kit for the XBox 360 had come in, and this girl, probably around my age, comes in and tries to sell back a few DVDs. The store manager tells her that DVDs can't be sold back for cash, they can only be traded in for store credit, and the girl asks the manager if she's sure, and when the manager repeats, yeah, trade-in only, the girl says, "Well, I can't eat video games..." and takes her stuff and leaves. Is it wrong of me to laugh at her?
I'm glad you all agreed that I was right

9/28/07 - Why does it hurt when I breathe?!
Other than that, I got my XBox back today, somewhat humorous story, I called Microsoft at about 2 to check on my repair and was told that there were no updates from the service center. Twenty minutes later UPS knocks on my door and delivers my replacement console. I call Microsoft again and say, "Hey, I got it..." The woman I speak to the second time tells me that there was a note on the ticket that says my replacement shipped on the 24th. Many thanks to the first woman I spoke to for passing that information along.
Corporate America at Work!

October
10/7/07 - Mark it on your calendar
October 6th, 2007: The last time I ever went hiking...

10/9/07 - Lots of thoughts
So I lay in bed at night, and I stare at the ceiling and I wonder, "Why?"

And once I'm through wondering I close my eyes and I think, "Well...at least I've never been on COPS"

Maybe I think too much...
I wrote that entry while sitting in my Media Writing class, cause I'd already finished the assignments and I had nothing to do...apparently I get deep when I'm bored

10/10/07 - Lighter News
So I sat in the chair, I cued up Saw, checked my levels, got everything set, and read the promo.

Sean said that, except for going just a touch fast, I did "phenomenal"

Fuckin go me :)

10/12/07 - Fun Times in Radio
It was definitely tense, though, CDs in, CDs out, liners, weather, I had to do a sports break, teasing the weather after the next break, making sure the commercials play, talking and pressing and fading and potting all at the same time, trying to synch up your speech so that you stop talking a split-second before the lyrics in the song start. It's tough, my hands were shaking the entire time cause I was so nervous about screwing up, but man alive was it fun!

10/23/07 - What's this? Two and a half hours to kill?
First off, let's talk about wrestling. Save_us.222 more specifically. I am psyched for this reveal. Even though everyone knows who it is, I'm still amped to see how they pay it off. I won't be purchasing Cyber Sunday this weekend, but I will be watching it *wink, wink*, and if the reveal happens there, as has been rumored. I have faith that it's going to be awesome.

That's right...awesome...from the WWE...I said it.
...
So, how rigged is Cyber Sunday anyway? I mean not just rigged in having us vote for two lackluster candidates and then the one they really want us to vote for, I mean rigged in, "We'll just tell them their votes count, then do it the way we want to anyway." Y'know, kinda like the 2000 Presidential election.
Oohhhhh yeah, I went there!

Cinnamon and Brown Sugar Pop Tarts are my guilty pleasure.

That and killing hobos for money...
...
This is what ADD does, my friends...FEAR ME AND MY RANDOM BRAIN-NESS!
...
Here's a buzzword that needs to go: "Underemployed."

That's not even a real thing! They use it in ads for those crappy trade schools like the one I go to, "If you're unemployed or underemployed come to our shitty school and learn how to do a shitty menial labor job that pays fairly well!"

"Underemployed" is some asshole sales guy's way of saying, "Minimum wage hellhole," it's a meaningless fucking term and it needs to go.
As you can tell...nothing to do is never a good thing with me

10/24/07 - It's very hard...
Not to laugh in your mother's face when she throws a hissy fit and punches you in the mouth.

It wasn't even that good of a punch, no follow through at all...
Oh Mooooommmmmmmmm

10/30/07 - Good News
"I'm gonna miss the really cute chick in this class who's too young for me (19, don't get any ideas) but I'd still bang anyway..."

She's in my new class!
But probably not in either of my next classes

November
11/1/07 - Life, or something somewhat close to like it...
Operation: Three Free Tacos was a total success.

11/18/07 - It's Tourney Time!
This year's Salzer Family Home-Cooked Thanksgiving Dinner is brought to you by Bugaboo Creek Steak House...goddammit...

December
12/7/07 - I'm tired, so this may be garbled and fucked up
Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh why couldn't I be rich and privileged and be one of those assholes? People'd hate me but life'd be SO MUCH EASIER

I'm never going to move out of this house...I'm gonna be 40 and sleeping in the same goddamn room in the same goddamn bed with the same goddamn person (aka nobody)

I miss Kindergarten and not giving a shit...

12/8/07 - Geniuses, all of them...
But, yeah, apparently sex is to blame for global warming. Not car exhaust, not cow farts, not CFCs...sex.

Right...

Oh, and apparently there's only 3 and a half years before the planet explodes.

If you're interested this dingbat's website is www.yisraylhawkins.com

What a fucking loon

12/10/07 - EUREKA!
Buy one of those little mini airhorns and every time that phone rings answer it with, "Hello, you've reached ###-####, we're not available to come to the phone right now, so please leave a message after the tone!" then blow the airhorn. Then say, "Yeah, hi, what can I do for you?"
It's a genius idea

12/13/07 - Holy...Christ (literally)
The card says, and I quote:

"Merry Christmas from your friends at Bethany Church in Greenland! Remember that Jesus is SUPER and there's nothing BAD about loving him!"
Genius

12/30/07 - *sigh*
"...did that guy just take your hat?!"
Bizarre, to say the least...

And that's it...2008 in a nutshell

In a half an hour I have to leave to go to a NYE party, and something soon I should be getting my old hat back.

Comment Chart to follow...
Comments 
2nd-Jan-2008 06:52 am (UTC)
Your post is broken. FIX TEH ITALICS TAG!!!
2nd-Jan-2008 07:04 am (UTC)
thanks for the heads up, i fixed both the broken italics and bold tags
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