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When Did I Become Thirty?
or "Wait, there are people who were born in 1994?!"
Here's the thing... 
3rd-Nov-2011 09:02 pm

During my recent search for good jobliness I discovered something about myself that I'm not sure I can really, accurately put into words, nut I'm going to try.

It occurred to me that for the longest time my goal in life was to be successful. It's a fairly standard goal for someone my age, after all.

The problem I ran into was that I never decided what "successful" truly was. Was it making lots of money? Was it enjoying what you were doing? Were those two things mutually exclusive or was it possible to find a common middle ground?

Growing up I always thought the be-all, end-all was a full-time job. That was the Mecca, and once that was achieved, everything else was gravy. It never occurred to me that there would be a time when I would have a full-time job, yet still sometimes struggle from paycheck to paycheck. That was unfathomable.

I was living under the ideal that my parents had set for me. When I was in school they both worked full time, my dad at Baumann, my mom first at various banks, then Liberty Mutual. They were successful, and while we weren't rich, we were comfortable. There was never a time when there wasn't food on the table, there was never a time that maybe this year's Christmas won't be quite what it was in years past. That was my ideal, that was my goal.

Cut to 2003, when I failed out of college the first time. Cut to 2008 when Discovery was yanked out from under me. Cut to 2010 when I discovered exactly what you can achieve with an Associates degree. (For the record, it's fuck all)

Things were not working out. I ended up getting fired for the first time ever, and I found myself working at Old Navy, part-time, for shit money. This, professionally, was as low as I could sink.

Then UNH came along. It was full-time, good, the money wasn't bad, and best of all it meant I only had to work at the nave once a month or so. That is, until winter break came around, then it was another holiday season at Old Navy.

UNH taught me that full-time is not the only key. It also taught me that food service is not an area of my expertise.

Nowadays I work full time, in retail, at a store that's much more suited to me, and my professional needs. It's a small store, six staff members total, and the pay is ok, but I'm enjoying myself.

So is it success? Perhaps, not sure if I canals that call after four months, but things are looking up. I may still be living paycheck to paycheck, and I may not have health insurance, but I'm enjoying myself.

If you read all that, thank you. Just something I needed to get out of my head. Sorry if it doesn't all make sense.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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