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When Did I Become Thirty?
or "Wait, there are people who were born in 1994?!"
It's that time again! 
26th-Jun-2002 01:27 am
Tonight's Doomed Post-It Headlines?

"Birthday," "Coupon Man & Pansy Bitch," "PYLO," "XFL," "Russian Roulette," "Hey Dude," "Maven," "Jackass," and "Quizzes"

Let's get it on...

[-] I want to go on Russian Roulette! It looks like so much fun. Leave with two to one hundred thousand dollars, or fall through a hole! It's a win-win situation! And the questions are simple, too, I know dat shit, lemme tell ya! I oughta go on that show.

[-] My birthday's coming up, July 7th, just a week and a half away. What are ya getting me? Need hints? Just ask! Hint, I like Wrestling ;)

[-] I miss Hey Dude. That was such a good show! "It's a little wild and a little strange, when you make your home out on the range." Problem is I can't find a good MP3 of the theme song. All the ones I find have blips in them, which drive me crazy. Anyway, I used to watch Hey Dude every afternoon, which drove my parents out of their tree. They HATED that show, probably one reason that I liked it. Anyway, if anyone can find me a clean version of the theme, tell me! You'll be my best friend!

[-] I hate retail. I hate it. HATE HATE HATE it. Customers suck ass. I had two REAL winners the other night, lemme tell ya. The first one was the "Coupon Man" He comes to my register with 10 little tubes of Crest and 8 or 9 travel-size bottles of Herbal Essences. I scan them all through, and he pulls out twelve THOUSAND coupons. I scan a few for Crest, then take a closer look. The coupons are for Crest with Scope Plus Whitening, 16 ounces or larger. He's buying ten of the 0.85 ounce tubes of regular Crest. So I tell him that they aren't the right coupons, and he starts arguing saying, "It's for Crest!" and such. Then I take another glance and see that it says, "Limit One Per Purchase." I tell him this and he starts arguing that each item is a purchase. I say, "No, sir, a purchase is the entire transaction," meanwhile thinking, "You fucking moron, if each item was a purchase, it would say limit one per item!" The guy gets all pissed and says, "Well, nevermind then!" and leaves, leaving EVERYTHING on the counter! Then I realize that I had voided out four too many coupons, so I have a four dollar balance on the transaction, and a whole lot of little shit on my counter. I had to call a CSM to abort a four dollar transaction! But that's not the icing on the cake, oh no no! Later that evening I get a phone call asking about Pansies. I don't know flowers from a hole in the ground. I go out and look, and find a yellow one, so I get back on the phone and bullshit my way through the rest of the call, thinking, oh, she'll come around tomorrow, whatever. She showed up later that night...and proceeded to bitch my ass out. "Well I drove all the way from Exeter (Perhaps 30 minutes away? If that?) based on what you told me, I didn't want to come out here for nothing, and that's exactly what I've done. What can you give me?" What can you give me? I can give you a foot up your fat ass! "Well, ma'am, I can give you an apology, that's about it." "Well that's not good enough!" and she storms off. WHAT CAN YOU GIVE ME? Like I can give out free product cause you believed me on the phone. I HATE PEOPLE!!!

[-] Maven's theme bugs me. It's good, but there's one part in it that says, "I conceal my words, I can feel the warming breeze, I can see the forest, I can hear a breeze." Can't you say something other than Breeze the second time? Trees would work, "I can hear the trees" or "I can hear the Bees" "I've got zits on my knees" SOMETHING! Saying breeze twice in a row takes some of the quality out of the song.

[-] Not on the list, but I have to mention it because the ad just came on TV. "Meet Our Folks" looks like the STUPIDEST television show EVER created EVER. Did these producers say, "Heh heh, I know! Let's take that 'Meet the Parents' movie and make it into a reality TV show! It'll be a ratings grabber for SURE!" Yee gods.

[-] Press Your Luck Online's summer show had to be moved one day later. Instead of being on the 6th at 8PM Eastern, it's now on the 7th, my birthday, at 8PM Eastern. So come celebrate my 20th birthday with some Big Bucks, won'tchall?

[-] A Jackass Movie, much like Sean's and Mine, except with the actual Jackass people from MTV, is nearing completion. Rest assured, Sean and I will be at the Fenway 13 on opening night, tickets in hand. Followed by the day after, the next day, and possibly the day following that. Depends on classes and shit.

[-] Hey, remember the XFL? No? Not surprising...anyway, I bought an XFL football the other week, cause I wanted one. Hell, I wanted one when the XFL was an actual entity, but the one place I found them was selling them for an unbelievable exorbitant amount of money. So instead, I waited, and got it at Wal-Mart for 14 bucks. Pretty phat nuts.

[-]We end with the Quizzes:

I am a peacemaker. I seek not to destroy, but to create. I am a motivator, an inspirator, a communicator. I can talk with animals. My strength lies not within me, but within those who take my side. My friends are my greatest asset. Large problems don't scare me, because I always have help. And an army of loyal monkey servants.

What's your superpower?

What stupid online quiz are you?
What stupid online quiz are you?

What Retard are you?

All done now, ta-ta, bye bye, get out, go away. I SAID LEAVE!
26th-Jun-2002 09:07 am (UTC)
The Flower lady was right. You told her something that was untrue, when you should have handed the phone to someone who knew more about flowers than yourself. She had a right to complain when she drove all the way down there and got nothing.

Not that she deserved something free, although I think it was more of a case of "How can I get this flower today then?" instead or "What can I get for free from my troubles."

The first coupon guy would just be annoying.

Meet Our Folks is a crappy idea. All these reality shows have been sucking, and I never really cared for Survivor. It was Lord of the Flies on camera... *sigh*

I have two XFL jersey's that I got for seven bucks each. Bolts and Enforcers.

Heh, yeah.
26th-Jun-2002 02:23 pm (UTC) - I Played Russian Roulette Once. I Lost.
-- "Anyway, if anyone can find me a clean version of the theme, tell me!" Hold the phone -- since when is there a dirty version of the "Hey Dude" theme??? I imagine it'd go something like this: "It's a little wild and a little strange/Cuz she's 12 years old and underage/I'm hung like a horse so come along/I'll tear your insides up with my three-foot dong."

-- "Rest assured, Sean and I will be at the Fenway 13 on opening night, tickets in hand. Followed by the day after, the next day, and possibly the day following that. Depends on classes and shit." I'm sorry, what? Classes? You're gonna list THAT as a factor? Somebody done told you wrong!

-- I'm sorry, what's this you speak of -- the XFL??? Never heard of it.

-- Quite the flattering retard portrayal -- "The Face Fooder." I thought for sure you'd be the "Caped Superhero Who Wants To Play On The Playground." Ahh well.
27th-Jun-2002 07:17 am (UTC) - Re: I Played Russian Roulette Once. I Lost.
I'm not sure Caped Superhero was one of the available outcomes.

Clean Version = No Blips, moron

OK, maybe classes only matter to me...

Ya know, the XFL! That thing that they did then with the people and...nevermind...
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