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When Did I Become Thirty?
or "Wait, there are people who were born in 1994?!"
Who Wants to Blow a Million Dollars? 
8th-Nov-2001 08:20 pm
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kevinhemann: (Millionaire theme plays; Regis and TheLegendarySTM walk in)
kevinhemann: Welcome to "Who Wants to blow a Million Dollars?"
TheLegendarySTM: ME ME!!!!
TheLegendarySTM: I mean... ::shuts up::
kevinhemann: All right...
kevinhemann: You are 134,239 questions away from losing $1,000,000.
kevinhemann: Ready for the first question?
TheLegendarySTM: Hooray!!!
TheLegendarySTM: I think so
kevinhemann: Okay.
kevinhemann: It is worth $1.09.
TheLegendarySTM: ooh
kevinhemann: This is VERY important, lots of money at stake here.
TheLegendarySTM: that's worth a cheeseburger!
kevinhemann: First question...
TheLegendarySTM: ok
kevinhemann: What is your name?
kevinhemann: TheLegendarySTM, TheLegendarySTM, TheLegendarySTM, My Dead Aunt Edna
TheLegendarySTM: ::long pause, thinks hard::
TheLegendarySTM: Aun...Aunt Edna?
kevinhemann: Remember your 3 lifelines.
kevinhemann: You have -
kevinhemann: Ask the Contestant
kevinhemann: 100:0
kevinhemann: Phone Yourself
kevinhemann: Want a lifeline?
kevinhemann: Worth a lot of money here.
TheLegendarySTM: No, I think I'll stick with Aunt Edna
TheLegendarySTM: I feel constipated
TheLegendarySTM: Confident!
TheLegendarySTM: I meant confident
kevinhemann: Well, I feel both, but you don't see me blabbing about it.
TheLegendarySTM: Sorry
TheLegendarySTM: would you like a mint?
kevinhemann: Naw.
TheLegendarySTM: ok
kevinhemann: Sticking with Aunt Edna?
TheLegendarySTM: I don't have any anyway
TheLegendarySTM: yeah, My name is DEFINITELY Edna
kevinhemann: Final answer?
TheLegendarySTM: Uhhhh, hmmmm, uhhhh, ooohhhh, hmmm
TheLegendarySTM: perhaps?
kevinhemann: Gimme a Yes or No before I beat you up.
TheLegendarySTM: Don't hurt me
TheLegendarySTM: yeyeyeyeyes
kevinhemann: (hides his giant brass knuckles) Okay.
kevinhemann: Last word, Aunt Edna?
TheLegendarySTM: GACK!::drops dead::
kevinhemann: Okay, then...
kevinhemann: You are...
kevinhemann: gooing to either be rich or poor depending on the outcome of this question.
TheLegendarySTM: ooh, pressure
TheLegendarySTM: I feel like I'm in a...pressure...thing
kevinhemann: YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!!!!!!!
TheLegendarySTM: HOORAY!!!!!!!!
kevinhemann: (family comes down to hug Aunt Enda)
kevinhemann: *Edna)
TheLegendarySTM: Awww, thanks guys!!!
TheLegendarySTM: I knew I could count on me
kevinhemann: I did too.
kevinhemann: Now you have a MUCH bigger decision ahead of you.
kevinhemann: Do you want to play the next question?
TheLegendarySTM: OOh, OOh
TheLegendarySTM: YES!!
TheLegendarySTM: I'm gonna Press My Luck!!!
kevinhemann: Sure? You'll lose your $1.02 if you're wrong.
TheLegendarySTM: oh, wrong show
kevinhemann: Wrong show, genius.
kevinhemann: :-P:-P:-P:-P:-P
TheLegendarySTM: I thought it was a dollar nine!!!!!
TheLegendarySTM: Are you cheating me out of 7 cents???
kevinhemann: I'm the host, I'm doing what I want. So shut up and sit back in the chair.
TheLegendarySTM: ok
TheLegendarySTM: I wanna play da game
kevinhemann: Okay.
kevinhemann: Here's the question.
kevinhemann: It is worth $1.92.
TheLegendarySTM: ooh ooh ooh
TheLegendarySTM: OOH!
kevinhemann: What is 0?
TheLegendarySTM: A burger and fries!
kevinhemann: 0, 0, 0 or 1308471238049174092375807258923817401289471284907120847?
TheLegendarySTM: I think I need a lifeline Kathie
TheLegendarySTM: Regis!
TheLegendarySTM: sorry
TheLegendarySTM: sorry
kevinhemann: That's Regis, you nut!
kevinhemann: (hits you over the head with his trademark hammer)
TheLegendarySTM: I think I need a lifejacket
TheLegendarySTM: ow
kevinhemann: You need no lifejacket!
TheLegendarySTM: ::loses three inches in height::
kevinhemann: And I'll give you three more if you don't tell me what you want to do!
TheLegendarySTM: ask the contestant!
kevinhemann: All right...
kevinhemann: Let's ask you what you want to do.
kevinhemann: What do you want to do.
kevinhemann: I'll give you 148 seconds to talk to yourself and figure out what you want to do.
TheLegendarySTM: Well me, which one do I think it is?
TheLegendarySTM: I dunno, it looks like it could be B, C or D
TheLegendarySTM: so it's definitely not A?
TheLegendarySTM: No
TheLegendarySTM: Ok
TheLegendarySTM: Could it be B?
TheLegendarySTM: It's either B or D
TheLegendarySTM: Am I sure?
TheLegendarySTM: Pretty sure, yes
TheLegendarySTM: Really really sure?
TheLegendarySTM: I think so
TheLegendarySTM: Well I'm glad I could help myself
TheLegendarySTM: Wait, did I say C?
TheLegendarySTM: I forgot
TheLegendarySTM: I forgot too
TheLegendarySTM: crud
kevinhemann: You still have 213 seconds to kill, so bash Bill Clinton or something.
TheLegendarySTM: Regis, which did I say
kevinhemann: You said Z.
TheLegendarySTM: oh
TheLegendarySTM: ok
TheLegendarySTM: Z, Final Answer
kevinhemann: Sure?
TheLegendarySTM: 29.53%
kevinhemann: That's as high as you can get.
kevinhemann: Final?
TheLegendarySTM: Z, Final Answer
kevinhemann: Okay.
kevinhemann: (stares at the screen)
kevinhemann: (stares at Aunt Edna)
TheLegendarySTM: ::smiles::
kevinhemann signed off at 8:17:53 PM.

DAMN, I wanted to know if I won or not!!!

[EDIT]
kevinhemann: YOU WIN!
TheLegendarySTM: HOORAY
kevinhemann: (TheLegendarySTM's family of samoans runs down the staircase and tramples over TLSTM in an attempt to hug him)
TheLegendarySTM: AGGHHHHHHHHH
kevinhemann: Since PYL's gonna be on in a sec, we go to the final question.
TheLegendarySTM: AUNT HELEN, NOOOOOOOOOO
kevinhemann: You win, you lose $1,000,000.
kevinhemann: You lose, you lose $1,000,000.
TheLegendarySTM: HOORAY
kevinhemann: Here it is:
kevinhemann: What is my name?
kevinhemann: kevinhemann, kevinhemann, kevinhemann, God
TheLegendarySTM: God!
TheLegendarySTM: Finally Finally Final Answer!!
kevinhemann: Are you sure?
TheLegendarySTM: O Positive
kevinhemann: Off topic - Some guy on PYL PC game lost by $52.
TheLegendarySTM: haha
kevinhemann: Well...
kevinhemann: Final?
TheLegendarySTM: Sure thing
kevinhemann: Well...
kevinhemann: You're right AND wrong! You lose $2,000,000!
TheLegendarySTM: HOOOOOOOOOOORAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!
kevinhemann: You win.
TheLegendarySTM: yay
kevinhemann: (audience comes down and crushes TheLegendarySTM)
kevinhemann: You win.
kevinhemann: (credits roll)
kevinhemann: Executive Producer - God
kevinhemann: Me - God
kevinhemann: Biggest Loser in the World - Bill Clinton
kevinhemann: Another Big Loser - Al Gore

I WON...I LOST $2,000,000!!!!! HOOOORAY!!!!![/EDIT]
Comments 
8th-Nov-2001 05:56 pm (UTC) - ...
That's totally nuts..
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